SOCIAL ANXIETY

Social anxiety is the fear of being watched and judged by others. When socially anxious, people fear humiliation and embarrassment. However, a more liberating definition of social anxiety comes from the late Shoma Morita, a Japanese psychiatrist, who stated that social anxiety is a reflection of a person’s desire to do well. In this case, social anxiety can become a motivator, a facilitator. It can motivate you, for example, to prepare for a presentation.

Typical social situations that trigger social anxiety:

• meeting people
• meeting someone attractive
• talking to authority figures
• talking on the telephone
• being the centre of attention in a group
• doing presentations
• performing tasks in front of others ( eating, drinking, writing, dancing, performing one’s job, using the telephone in front of others)
• using public washrooms
• writing tests

Symptoms

Body:
Rapid heart beat, difficulty breathing, sweatiness, indigestion, blushing, feeling hot or cold, tension in muscles, tension in face, shakiness, need to urinate, feeling numb or frozen

Mind:
Imagining the symptoms above, imagining the worst, negative self talk, negative predictions about how things will turn out, “I can’t do this, I’ll look like a loser, nobody will like me.” Focus on self instead of on other. “How am I coming across, what do they think of me?” Mind goes blank.

Action:
a) Safety seeking behaviours: going out with same old friend, going only to familiar places, agreeing with the majority even if you really disagree, hiding behind bangs or non-descript clothing
b) Avoidance: not taking initiative, avoiding the social situation altogether, procrastinating, avoiding eye contact
c) Nervous gestures: talking too quietly, quickly, loudly, fidgeting, mumbling, stuttering, closed body posture

Continuum
Normal:
Most people will experience social anxiety at some time in their lives. This is normal. They’ll experience social anxiety in certain unfamiliar social situations, but once they get involved, their anxiety evaporates.

Mild-Moderate:
Sometimes social anxiety interferes with life. Although confident in most areas, for instance, you might feel anxious when it comes to dancing and although you’ve often dreamt about taking dancing lessons, you feel anxious about how you’d look to others. As a result, you don’t even try the free lessons offered by the local Latino restaurant.

Moderate-Extreme:
About thirteen percent of the population experience social anxiety to such an extent that they either have a habit of either avoiding social situations or enduring them with intense inner discomfort.

Extreme:
About three percent of the population are so afraid of rejection that they avoid people and situations as much as possible. They want to minimize not only the risk of rejection but also the risk of experiencing anxiety in the first place. At this end of the continuum, life becomes very restricted.

What to do about social anxiety
Realize that social anxiety is absolutely normal and the sensitivity that goes along with it usually indicates that you have a number of great qualities such as kindness, thoughtfulness, loyalty, diplomacy, discretion, an ability to pick up on subtleties and nuances, and the ability to reflect.

Realize that social anxiety is not a fixed state. It is fluid. Moderate to extreme social anxiety can be reduced and managed by paying attention to three areas: body, mind and action.

Body: Learn how the brain and nervous system work in the stress response. This will give you perspective so that you do not take these responses so personally. Learn techniques such as grounding, proper breathing and muscle relaxation. These help to calm your body.

Mind: Learn how to use your imagination in positive ways: to rehearse social situations in advance, to relax the body. Learn to recognize self-defeating verbal thoughts and cultivate more realistic, encouraging ones. Learn to focus on other.

Action: Exposure, exposure, exposure! “You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you must stop and look fear in the face… you must do the thing you think you cannot do.” (Eleanor Roosevelt, former first lady and once a very shy person.) Expose yourself to the very situations you would normally like to avoid. Little by little, you gain confidence. You realize you can do it, nothing bad will happen and, in fact, you enjoy people and they enjoy you.

SUPPORT GROUP
According to social anxiety literature, one of the best ways to learn to deal with social anxiety is to join a support group. A support group consists of a number of people who, because of similar struggles and hopes, can offer understanding and encouragement to individuals as they gradually work towards gaining social confidence. Focuses are both educational and experiential.

I have been facilitating social anxiety support groups since 1990. During the last session of each group, I ask participants to write a short letter to future group members. Here are a few of these letters:

Groups take place for ten consecutive weeks, usually Monday evenings, 7 p.m. – 9:30 p.m., starting in September, January and April. There is a minimum of 8 people and a maximum of 12 in each group. The fee for the upcoming group is still $350.